Mag and Pat's Family Room

Brother in Law · Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:30 am Post subject: Doctor Doctor

Nobody ever feels sorry for doctors, but I heard about one who got so down and out that he tried to rob a bank. Nobody could read his hold-up note.

The hypochondriac was a regular in the emergency room -- so much so that when he didn't show up for a week, , the staff took notice of his absence. He finally did show up again, and one doctor said, "Long time, no see. Where have you been?" "Sorry I couldn't make it in," the hypochondriac said. "I was feeling sick."

Looking down at the sick man, the doctor decided to tell him the truth. "I feel that I should tell you. You are a very sick man, I'm sure that you would want to know the facts. Now -- is there anyone you would like to see?" Bending towards his patient, the doctor heard him feebly answer, "Yes." "Who is it?" asked the doctor. In a slightly stronger tone the man said, "Another doctor."

"Do you mind if I sit down, 'cause I'm pregnant?" a woman said. I said in reply, "You don't look it. How long have you been pregnant?" She said, " Only ten minutes - but doesn't it make you feel tired?"

The first-time father, beside himself with excitement over the birth of his first son, was determined to follow all the rules to a T. "So tell me, Nurse," he asked as his new family headed out the hospital door, "what time should we wake the little guy in the morning?"

Grandchildren are God's rewards to grandparents for not shooting their children.

A rebel leader was finally apprehended by military police and summarily sentenced to death. The police superintendent watched as the blindfolded man was led before the firing squad, then magnanimously came over to offer him a last cigarette. "No thanks," was the condemned man's answer, "I'm trying to quit."

"Yeah, Doc, what's the news?" asked Sam when his doctor called with his test results. "I have some bad news and some really bad news," said the doctor. "The bad news is that you only have 24 hours to live." "Oh my God," gasped Fred as he dropped to his knees. "What could be worse news than that?" "I couldn't get hold of you yesterday."

Nowadays there's a pill for everything -- to keep your nose from running, to keep you regular, to keep your heart beating, to keep your hair from falling out, to improve your muscle tone... Why, thanks to advances in medical science, every day people are dying who never looked better.

My mother is going to have to stop lying about her age because pretty soon I'm going to be older than she is.
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Cheers,

Martin
Pat's brother-in-law